he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
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