Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
