Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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