i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i will never coherently bang her
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
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she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
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Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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