He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Randomize
