beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
