I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
