Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
