i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
