I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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