I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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