this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
