The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
