All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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