I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
