When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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