I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
