Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
