Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i love accidental penises.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
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