i already hear my dad disowning me
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
