You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
