You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
