I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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