did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
