He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
