I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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