i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Panties = found
I'm having to shit out rocks
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
