i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
