I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
