tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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