No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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