I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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