you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
