We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
