Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
