I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
