i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize