it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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