I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
