I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
worst night to have a conscience
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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