So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize