You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
