so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
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The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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