Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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