One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
