u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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