Church boner. Awkwardddd
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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