Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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