i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
