He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
