Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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