end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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