Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
