He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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