you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
