He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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