wanna go halves on a baby?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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