i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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