we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
