I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
