Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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