how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
