he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Randomize
