Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
