i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i came on her dog
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
