I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
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