Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize