i was rollin on her like bob the builder
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
