Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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