Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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