He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i will never coherently bang her
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
