Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize