Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
