Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize
