Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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