my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
